The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
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I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
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thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?