If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate