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theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
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