I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
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Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Non-Jews are for practice
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
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