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I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
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