we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
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I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
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Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now