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you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
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