Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other