He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she pinky promised me she was 18
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."