We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.