The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
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Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
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Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january