those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"