Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
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He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
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I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.