I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Reggie can tackle my bush.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism