as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.