I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
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i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
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Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.