nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars