I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.