I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.