thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.