What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
there's paper in my vomit.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk