Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense