new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down