new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down