I want you more than these girls want KFC
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
