He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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