Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
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Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
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I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though