Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
