you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"