My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
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So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.