She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.