I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd