I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...