she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.