You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
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Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home