Texts From Last Night

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  (+49): View more from Germany

  They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!

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  (+49): They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany! http://tfl.nu/9nli
  Replies (14) Good night (6515) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought

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  (405): I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo (918): Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought http://tfl.nu/a8il
  Replies (33) Good night (1098) Bad night (2021)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.

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  (321): I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night. http://tfl.nu/rqck
  Replies (11) Good night (1379) Bad night (474) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.

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  (850): You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism. http://tfl.nu/m7x4
  Replies (18) Good night (5811) Bad night (1220) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you

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  (803): My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you http://tfl.nu/g2fy
  Replies (15) Good night (525) Bad night (1916)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  you should probably use water

  (440): View more from Ohio

  i dont have any

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  (440): do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water? (1-440): you should probably use water (440): i dont have any http://tfl.nu/eak0
  Replies (33) Good night (5839) Bad night (702)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?

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  (402): apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor. (717): But why'd she put it on the conveyor then? http://tfl.nu/v0cx
  Replies (4) Good night (2472) Bad night (434)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup

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  (678): So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup http://tfl.nu/agqr
  Replies (88) Good night (4502) Bad night (973) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport

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  (815): I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport http://tfl.nu/v33c
  Replies (22) Good night (9925) Bad night (826)