They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason