Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
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just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win