I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I checked into jail on foursquare
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono