Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.