why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.