I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".