So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
