I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable