Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
