how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
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I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship