Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.