i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra