i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.