Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
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His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.