Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.