u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his