you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever