You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.